Wanting...

Sometimes we want what we can't have. Or want something so badly that it seems attainable but at the same time unattainable.

I want happiness. I want my kids to be healthy and well rounded in every aspect of their lives. I want to look in the mirror most days and be happy with what I see. I want to have a close relationship with my daughters. I want my son to stay sweet and be an active boy. I want peace to happen within my famliy and my daughters will learn to love each other without wanting to kill each other. I want the love of my life to be happy. I want my life to be settled.

Wanting what we can't have? Wanting what we can do for ourselves? Wanting more for ourselves then we had ever wanted before? Wanting a better future?

We all want things. It's what we do to get those things that matter. It takes hard work and it's not an easy path. But if it's worth it, then it's worth the work it'll take to get it.

The Notebook

My favorite book is The Notebook and therefore one of my favorite movies is The Notebook. If you have ever read it or seen the movie you'll understand why.

It's a love story that transcends all ages, cultures, backgrounds and time. It's the love story that makes you want to fall in love or to be in love like this. The main characters Noah and Allie come from two different backgrounds. She comes from a well to do family and he comes from a working class family. They meet by chance and he pursues her til she agrees to go out with him.

What happens is they fall in love and fight like cats and dogs, but love each other and eventually they are torn apart by her meddling mother and the differences in their stations in life. He writes her a letter a day for a year and her mother never allows her to see them.

Then one day years later after they've each lived some of their lives. She sees him in an article about restoring a home he told her he always wanted. She goes to see him and it's like they never were apart even though they fought it at first. She was engaged to be married so it complicated things. But through it all they found each other again and they weren't going to let it go...

I won't give away the whole story if you haven't read the book or seen the movie. I will say that if you should be so lucky to have a Noah or Allie in your lifetime, never let them go. A love like that happens when you least expect it.

Oh How The Time Flies...

'Mommy, will my shadow grow as big as yours someday?' Don't grow up too soon Son. Time, it's a cruel friend, it goes by fast when you want it to go slow and goes slow when you want it to go fast... I've learned to cherish every moment no matter how small it may seem. Because you'll never get them back once they are gone.

Little Boys...

Ok , so how do i start this? my son who is 4 is just my heart. i find so much joy in him because he's so lovable and just so sweet and stubborn as all get out. He was thought to be a girl when I was preggers with him. i had two girls and i'm one of three girls so it was just a given that i'd have three girls also. wrongo!! but i'm glad because i couldn't imagine what life would be like if he weren't a boy. 

Wow is he a stubborn little thing!! I wonder where she gets it from? I know from me and his father.  Once he makes up his mind there is no fighting with him.  It's like talking to a brick wall at times and that's not like me at all. There is rarely give and go with him and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it. 

Let's take for instance his eating habits. Oh sweet Lord!! He used to eat everything!! Meats and vegetables. But some where after he turned 2 and a half he started to shun pretty much anything that wasn't a carb or a dinosaur shaped chicken nugget. Oy! Seriously!! Why?? I would eat steak, pork, and real chicken. With sauces or gravies or with nothing on it. Everyone ate the same thing and it was rare that I cooked something no one wanted to eat.  Now he eats toast w/o butter, tater tots and dino shaped chicken nuggets. I can't even fake him out with those. He likes cereal and sometimes he'll eat eggs. Rice has to have nori (seaweed) or he won't eat it. He eats baby food peas, but won't eat the real thing... I fear he's gonna be a diabetic by the time he's a teenager bc he eats carbs but if he won't eat anything, else at least he"ll eat that.  He will eat a few fruits. 

Aside from food let talk about he incessant need to play guns and all things violent. I'm trying to raise a well-rounded boy and I always kept the gun play out of the house but bc his father is a police officer it's his way of connecting with his son I guess. But there are other ways to do that that don't include violent play but oh well. He is into other things as well but a lot of it has to do with violence or some kind of fighting. I want to get him into sports but so far he's far from interested and I think he may be burnt out because he's been dragged all over God's green acres to watch his sisters play soccer or softball. I'm hoping once he's in Kindergarten he find an interest in it.  

I will say though that he is quite lovey.  He is my little lovebug and cuddles like my girls never did.  He gets to sleep with me in my big ole bed and he takes up the most room. I love hearing him breathe and feeling his little warm body snuggled up next to mine. I do not however enjoy the feet or head in my back, stomach or neck.  But I miss him when he's gone and cherish the little moments we do have. He has the sweetest face and when he's not a whiny butthead, hes the sweetest little boy ever. I just couldn't imagine what life would be like if he weren't a boy.

"My precious little baby
I have loved you from the start
You are a tiny miracle
Laying closely to my heart."

Who said I was perfect?

I never claim to be perfect nor do I ever wish to be perfect. Take the first two definitions of the word:

-Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
-Free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless

Is it attainable? Maybe. But do I want to be? Never. I am flawed. I embrace it and just the thought that there isn't one thing about me that is perfect, tickles me.

We all say we want the perfect person, perfect life, perfect everything. But when it looks perfect to someone else, chances are it isn't. There are flaws in everything around us and in us. I'm not being cynical, I'm just sayin'.

I mean wouldn't perfect be boring? Once you have achieved perfection, what else is there? How can you top that? You couldn't, so you might as well turn up your toes because there's nothing more for you to achieve.

I'm never going to have the perfect skin or perfect body. My kids aren't perfect because we dont live in Utopia. The love of my life isn't perfect, but we are perfectly matched with our imperfections. Its the one time it seems perfect is achievable, when you can match your imperfections perfectly to someone else.

I'm human, not a robot. I have feelings and emotions. I just may not express them to the degree some may like but again, I'm not perfect.



True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.