The End but....

This is something I wrote today. My boyfriend of 3 years called it quits... I'm devastated and hurt and beyond sad... 

The sad thing is my head and my heart aren't listening to each other. My heart will want what my head knows it can't have. Why? Because sadly being in love with someone even if you aren't together anymore doesn't change just because you want it to. 

The good thing is, because of you, I know my worth and I know I'm enough its just too bad you didn't think you were for me. The me that I've become now wants it ALL... I want to love and be loved in return. I want to have mind blowing sex all the time because I know I have it in me to be that free. I want to laugh at the silly things and even while making love bc that's how connected I can be. I want to cry and listen to every pain and hurt. I want to give my whole self and know its received and wanted and I'm getting the same thing in return. 

We had ALL of that. I would love to have it with you still but you want to be alone for now. I know someday you'll find what you need for you. Unfortunately for me you are one of a kind and having it ALL isn't in the cards for me. 

So, I'll be me for me and no one else. I'll be mom and I'll be a friend but I'll have to give up on wanting to have more kids and the life I wanted with the love of my life. 

Maybe, in another 20 years I'll see you and will only wish you well and know that you'll always hold a special place in my heart. And that a huge part of me will always love you no matter how far away you are... Be happy My Love...

...For now, I'll just go on as I need to for my children and live each day trying to fill the void and pain I feel inside. Now to break it to the kids... :(