Starting over again and again....

Starting over... Again... It is a constant battle. The battle within to stay focused and motivated. I'm trying to lose weight yet again and it's just not me to be this unfocused. I enjoy food and I enjoy exercising. 

My brand of punishment is running. I used to hate it and now it's a love/hate relationship. I love how I feel after and I hate how I feel before and during. The sweat the drips off my face and the feeling of accomplishment I feel afterward is great. It's like a drug! But I can only get it if I actually put the running shoes on... 

So now I've decided any new purchase I make for myself will be for running and it'll motivate me bc I like fun bright running clothes. And the only time I'll be purchasing something new is if I run consistently for a week. I need to reach 15 miles in a week before I can buy something new. So far I've run up to 10 miles in a week so I'm getting there!! 

Maybe this will be the thing that keeps me motivated and focused....

Running to Something or Away from Something?

Lately I've been trying to run at least a couple miles a day and getting competitive with myself again by trying to make the time faster each time. Or longer distance

I run for me. I run to be and stay healthy. I run to feel freedom from being anyone else but just Me. But lately I feel like running is a chore. Something I have to do in order to want to eat or be happy with how I look. Don't get me wrong, I feel great after I do it, but my body tells me a different story.

Sometimes my runs feel like a therapy session where I'm just trying to stay above the water just so I don't drown in my thoughts and pressures.

'Some times I feel I've got to get away' how ironic that a song lyric fits what I feel. I'd like to get away and leave everything behind for someone else to deal with it all. But I'm a grown up and I don't have that choice...

Need to start running again so I can feel good about me again. I'll let the rest take care of itself in its own time.