Starting over... Again... It is a constant battle. The battle within to stay focused and motivated. I'm trying to lose weight yet again and it's just not me to be this unfocused. I enjoy food and I enjoy exercising.
My brand of punishment is running. I used to hate it and now it's a love/hate relationship. I love how I feel after and I hate how I feel before and during. The sweat the drips off my face and the feeling of accomplishment I feel afterward is great. It's like a drug! But I can only get it if I actually put the running shoes on...
So now I've decided any new purchase I make for myself will be for running and it'll motivate me bc I like fun bright running clothes. And the only time I'll be purchasing something new is if I run consistently for a week. I need to reach 15 miles in a week before I can buy something new. So far I've run up to 10 miles in a week so I'm getting there!!
Maybe this will be the thing that keeps me motivated and focused....
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Home Alone...
Ok, so now I'm into the third week of 'The Swap'. I think that's how I will refer the custody arrangements. I don't like it and not really excited about doing it but I have no choice.
The thing of it is is that they need to have contact with their father also. And I wouldn't begrudge him his time with them no matter how much it pains me to let them go. Because I know what it's like to grow up without a dad, I wouldn't want them to have to know what it's like. But he doesn't make it easy either. When I get them back they are cranky, tired and whiney... Argh! It's so frustrating and at the same time a relief just to have them home with me. So I take the 4 days I have with them undoing everything they did with him so they are consistent and in a secure and stable environment and know that there are boundaries, bedtimes and rules.
I get it, it's now their new normal but we are all adjusting the best way we can and the best we know how, since this is new for us all. I never intended life to be challenging for them it is what it is. Do I regret it? Nope! Do I wish I can help them understand it better? Yes.
I find that I'm unable to leave the house for any reason except to grocery shop the day before I get them back. I don't have anywhere I want to go and I don't have money to do it so it's moot. Nothing to do but be on all the new social networks I've discovered and try to make sense of my new life. I read more and I clean the house but I am really not up to being around people anyway.
I'm neglecting my friends, I feel strange kind of like I have the scarlet letter tattooed across my chest and I am trying to figure out my next move. Finding a job I can potentially work while the kids are in school and be able to afford after school care if I need to. Being home alone for the first time since I got married and had kids. It's a strange new world for me to navigate but I'm not going backward, just forward.
Life is going to happen the way it happens and it's up to you to decide how you're going to handle it....
The thing of it is is that they need to have contact with their father also. And I wouldn't begrudge him his time with them no matter how much it pains me to let them go. Because I know what it's like to grow up without a dad, I wouldn't want them to have to know what it's like. But he doesn't make it easy either. When I get them back they are cranky, tired and whiney... Argh! It's so frustrating and at the same time a relief just to have them home with me. So I take the 4 days I have with them undoing everything they did with him so they are consistent and in a secure and stable environment and know that there are boundaries, bedtimes and rules.
I get it, it's now their new normal but we are all adjusting the best way we can and the best we know how, since this is new for us all. I never intended life to be challenging for them it is what it is. Do I regret it? Nope! Do I wish I can help them understand it better? Yes.
I find that I'm unable to leave the house for any reason except to grocery shop the day before I get them back. I don't have anywhere I want to go and I don't have money to do it so it's moot. Nothing to do but be on all the new social networks I've discovered and try to make sense of my new life. I read more and I clean the house but I am really not up to being around people anyway.
I'm neglecting my friends, I feel strange kind of like I have the scarlet letter tattooed across my chest and I am trying to figure out my next move. Finding a job I can potentially work while the kids are in school and be able to afford after school care if I need to. Being home alone for the first time since I got married and had kids. It's a strange new world for me to navigate but I'm not going backward, just forward.
Life is going to happen the way it happens and it's up to you to decide how you're going to handle it....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)