Running to Something or Away from Something?

Lately I've been trying to run at least a couple miles a day and getting competitive with myself again by trying to make the time faster each time. Or longer distance

I run for me. I run to be and stay healthy. I run to feel freedom from being anyone else but just Me. But lately I feel like running is a chore. Something I have to do in order to want to eat or be happy with how I look. Don't get me wrong, I feel great after I do it, but my body tells me a different story.

Sometimes my runs feel like a therapy session where I'm just trying to stay above the water just so I don't drown in my thoughts and pressures.

'Some times I feel I've got to get away' how ironic that a song lyric fits what I feel. I'd like to get away and leave everything behind for someone else to deal with it all. But I'm a grown up and I don't have that choice...

Need to start running again so I can feel good about me again. I'll let the rest take care of itself in its own time.

Everything Changes

Change... Is an inevitable thing that happens whether we are prepared for it or not. Or whether we want it to happen or not. It just happens. Sometimes things are beyond our control and sometimes things happen for reasons only reason can define.

The change I'm referring to right now isn't the stuff that makes a jingling sound in ones pocket or what women go through when they reach a certain age but the kind that can have a lasting and life altering effect on you.

We have been in the process of moving and the kids and I are moving closer to family. I've been watching the kids and how they have been feeling about it all and so far so good.



Now, let's fast forward to a few months after I started this. We have moved and now the reality set in. They are on the fence about it but for the most part seem ok. The oldest is resistant but is resigned that we aren't moving back to where we used to live.

The little ones are still getting used to the idea of their parents not together anymore so this is just the added craziness they are trying to deal with.

Now it's a year later. They have moments of missing where we used to live. But the worst part in all of this is that their father moved further away and rarely sees them. (but that is a different story).

We've all had to learn to adjust and make changes in our lives and so far not too shabby. I'm happier and they see it, they are happy for the most part and are doing well. So far...

We shall see what happens next.

I Just Wanted To Be Worth It

I have come to realize lately with all the things going on in my personal life that I had yet to pinpoint my issues with my father. Among his list of sins, being a dead beat dad, denying I could be his, abandoning my mother to raise 2 kids by herself until he reappeared when I was about 5, always flaking when I wanted to see him and basically being let down by the one person you should be able to count on.

My relationship with my mother wasn't the best bc I felt compelled to defend his actions to my mother, who just wanted me to see the man he really was. I didn't want to me told he was not going to be there for me or to be told I'm wasting my time. Wasn't that something for me to find out on my own?

I had a strange relationship with my dad before my parents divorce. We bickered like little kids, always had to have the last word in a "discussion", and wanted attention any way I could get it.

When my patents divorced and my mother moved my sisters and I to live with my grandmother in the Monterey Bay Area. I didn't know that the move meant we wouldn't see our dad any more or that he wouldn't make an effort to try to see his children. All I knew was my life was changing in a way that didn't make sense to me and I didn't like it.

My dad called a lot at the beginning and he even saw us once when we just moved. Then the calls became less frequent and the times we could talk to him became more trying and his visits ended altogether. We would get the Christmas card and the birthday card every year. And then one year I got 2 birthday cards, that was when things started to unravel for me and when I started to really rebel bc I need to be noticed and wanted and loved. It was dumb but what can I do about it now? I did bad things but now I know better.

The year I graduated from middle school I invited my dad to come and he didn't show up and didn't explain why. The shine and glow of my dad became a bit tarnished but I still needed to believe he cared. Then my junior year my mom and I had a huge fight about him and it resulted in me leaving my house for almost a week and putting a bigger strain on our already tenuous relationship.

Senior year came and went and he didn't show up to my graduation again. Then I was going to SoCal on a vacation with my boyfriend and made plans to see my dad. I was going to be at Disneyland and Universal Studios so I would be driving distance to him. I contacted him when I got there and made plans for him to come see me.

Well guess what? He never showed. I should have known and I should have been prepared for it and well I was heartbroken and devastated. I had a hard time with it for the longest time and decided to cut him out of my life. I didn't want to deal with someone who couldn't make time in his life for me.

Six years ago I found out my dad was in a Hospice bc he'd had a stroke. I immediately wanted to see him and at the time I was pregnant with my son. I could care less about what had kept us apart, I had planned to see him and try to bridge the gap. I was ready to let go and I had come to the realization he's human, he made mistakes and he wasn't going to change. It's just who he was and how he knew how to deal.

When I saw him he didn't even recognize me and all I could think about was, I'm too late... I was too late to have any kind of relationship with him and that I he would never know my children. I was ready to let go of all my hurts and it was too late. I sat with him while he rested and I made my peace with what never could be, what we never had and what I'd always wanted bus was resigned to the fact that I can only go forward from then. The visit was short and it ended with a renewed sense of self.

He passed away five years ago February, I saw him once more after my son was born. He was bedridden and on a ventalator. I said my goodbyes and mourned the man he could've been, never was and didn't want to be. It still hits me at times how much I miss him him even though we barely had a relationship. I cry on his anniversary and the irony of this all is, my middle daughter shares the same birthday as my dad and I'm his middle child.

I realized what my hurt was about recently that made everything make sense. All I ever wanted from him was for him to fight for me. To want me enough to fight for me instead of giving up and walking away. That's what I've learned and still want to be worth the fight, no matter how hard I may make things, I just want to be worth it....

Emo ranting...

Today was a very strange day. I went through a variety of emotions today and I'm ending my night in tears and sadness.

Had the best time with my oldest friend at the Obon today. But the morning was a mess and I just wanted the day to end so I could start new but then my world came crashing down around me.

You see, I'm in love with someone who became my friend first, who I trusted and wanted their every happiness. I had no idea what it would mean when I first met and saw him after over 20 yrs. But you just know.

Never intended to fall in love. Never could've imagined what it would feel like to be able to be myself with someone and not worry about how they would react. I could say what I wanted without having to sensor myself.

After therapy, I realized I'm responsible for my own feelings, how i feel about me and my own reactions. I'm not responsible for someone elses feelings or how they feel about themselves or how they react to what I say or do.

Well, today was the end of what has barely begun. After 2 years, it appears what was so endearing about me and what was at some point enough, just became too much. I'm not an easy person to love and I've proved it over and over again. This time was too much for him.

My problem is I love too much and I want too much. I'm an independent and strong woman who knows what she wants and what she needs. I want and need him. I am in love with him and for me it will never be over. But I know I'll need to accept it at some point. Just not right now...

Wanting...

Sometimes we want what we can't have. Or want something so badly that it seems attainable but at the same time unattainable.

I want happiness. I want my kids to be healthy and well rounded in every aspect of their lives. I want to look in the mirror most days and be happy with what I see. I want to have a close relationship with my daughters. I want my son to stay sweet and be an active boy. I want peace to happen within my famliy and my daughters will learn to love each other without wanting to kill each other. I want the love of my life to be happy. I want my life to be settled.

Wanting what we can't have? Wanting what we can do for ourselves? Wanting more for ourselves then we had ever wanted before? Wanting a better future?

We all want things. It's what we do to get those things that matter. It takes hard work and it's not an easy path. But if it's worth it, then it's worth the work it'll take to get it.

The Notebook

My favorite book is The Notebook and therefore one of my favorite movies is The Notebook. If you have ever read it or seen the movie you'll understand why.

It's a love story that transcends all ages, cultures, backgrounds and time. It's the love story that makes you want to fall in love or to be in love like this. The main characters Noah and Allie come from two different backgrounds. She comes from a well to do family and he comes from a working class family. They meet by chance and he pursues her til she agrees to go out with him.

What happens is they fall in love and fight like cats and dogs, but love each other and eventually they are torn apart by her meddling mother and the differences in their stations in life. He writes her a letter a day for a year and her mother never allows her to see them.

Then one day years later after they've each lived some of their lives. She sees him in an article about restoring a home he told her he always wanted. She goes to see him and it's like they never were apart even though they fought it at first. She was engaged to be married so it complicated things. But through it all they found each other again and they weren't going to let it go...

I won't give away the whole story if you haven't read the book or seen the movie. I will say that if you should be so lucky to have a Noah or Allie in your lifetime, never let them go. A love like that happens when you least expect it.

Oh How The Time Flies...

'Mommy, will my shadow grow as big as yours someday?' Don't grow up too soon Son. Time, it's a cruel friend, it goes by fast when you want it to go slow and goes slow when you want it to go fast... I've learned to cherish every moment no matter how small it may seem. Because you'll never get them back once they are gone.

Little Boys...

Ok , so how do i start this? my son who is 4 is just my heart. i find so much joy in him because he's so lovable and just so sweet and stubborn as all get out. He was thought to be a girl when I was preggers with him. i had two girls and i'm one of three girls so it was just a given that i'd have three girls also. wrongo!! but i'm glad because i couldn't imagine what life would be like if he weren't a boy. 

Wow is he a stubborn little thing!! I wonder where she gets it from? I know from me and his father.  Once he makes up his mind there is no fighting with him.  It's like talking to a brick wall at times and that's not like me at all. There is rarely give and go with him and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it. 

Let's take for instance his eating habits. Oh sweet Lord!! He used to eat everything!! Meats and vegetables. But some where after he turned 2 and a half he started to shun pretty much anything that wasn't a carb or a dinosaur shaped chicken nugget. Oy! Seriously!! Why?? I would eat steak, pork, and real chicken. With sauces or gravies or with nothing on it. Everyone ate the same thing and it was rare that I cooked something no one wanted to eat.  Now he eats toast w/o butter, tater tots and dino shaped chicken nuggets. I can't even fake him out with those. He likes cereal and sometimes he'll eat eggs. Rice has to have nori (seaweed) or he won't eat it. He eats baby food peas, but won't eat the real thing... I fear he's gonna be a diabetic by the time he's a teenager bc he eats carbs but if he won't eat anything, else at least he"ll eat that.  He will eat a few fruits. 

Aside from food let talk about he incessant need to play guns and all things violent. I'm trying to raise a well-rounded boy and I always kept the gun play out of the house but bc his father is a police officer it's his way of connecting with his son I guess. But there are other ways to do that that don't include violent play but oh well. He is into other things as well but a lot of it has to do with violence or some kind of fighting. I want to get him into sports but so far he's far from interested and I think he may be burnt out because he's been dragged all over God's green acres to watch his sisters play soccer or softball. I'm hoping once he's in Kindergarten he find an interest in it.  

I will say though that he is quite lovey.  He is my little lovebug and cuddles like my girls never did.  He gets to sleep with me in my big ole bed and he takes up the most room. I love hearing him breathe and feeling his little warm body snuggled up next to mine. I do not however enjoy the feet or head in my back, stomach or neck.  But I miss him when he's gone and cherish the little moments we do have. He has the sweetest face and when he's not a whiny butthead, hes the sweetest little boy ever. I just couldn't imagine what life would be like if he weren't a boy.

"My precious little baby
I have loved you from the start
You are a tiny miracle
Laying closely to my heart."

Who said I was perfect?

I never claim to be perfect nor do I ever wish to be perfect. Take the first two definitions of the word:

-Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
-Free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless

Is it attainable? Maybe. But do I want to be? Never. I am flawed. I embrace it and just the thought that there isn't one thing about me that is perfect, tickles me.

We all say we want the perfect person, perfect life, perfect everything. But when it looks perfect to someone else, chances are it isn't. There are flaws in everything around us and in us. I'm not being cynical, I'm just sayin'.

I mean wouldn't perfect be boring? Once you have achieved perfection, what else is there? How can you top that? You couldn't, so you might as well turn up your toes because there's nothing more for you to achieve.

I'm never going to have the perfect skin or perfect body. My kids aren't perfect because we dont live in Utopia. The love of my life isn't perfect, but we are perfectly matched with our imperfections. Its the one time it seems perfect is achievable, when you can match your imperfections perfectly to someone else.

I'm human, not a robot. I have feelings and emotions. I just may not express them to the degree some may like but again, I'm not perfect.



True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Another Fathers Day

Last year I wrote a little about Fathers Day. This year for me is still hard to deal with for two reasons.

The first reason being, I still miss my dad. After 5 years his death still stings unlike anything I've ever felt. He wasn't a great dad, in fact he really sucked at it. I'm one of ten children that he had with several different women. My mom being the last of the women, we hope. 

While he was in the moment, or what ever you want to call it, he was there. He committed to my mom the longest and he had three children with a good age gap to say he was still in the marriage. Now maybe there is another kid between my younger sister and I (we're seven years apart, so you never know) but let's just concentrate on what we do know. 

The memories I have of my dad are mainly the embarrassing ones. Dad in his tighty whiteies getting the newspaper, him taking his false teeth out in public, finding a stack of Playboys next to his favorite candy and mine, Whoppers. Trying to be funny and calling Denny's, Lennys. Things like this will be cherish and most remembered along with the heartaches. He was the first man to break my heart. But in the end I found the strength to forgive him and just love him for the man he is. 

My second reason is because, through all my messy separation and pending divorce, I've found someone who I am truly myself with and he's not here. In fact he and his daughter, soon to be mine, are currently living in Hawai'i. 

I have discovered an old friend who became a new friend and now a new love. We have shared everything and have yet more to discover about each other. Our kids have become part of the foundation that is what makes us work. Hard to explain but it's unlike anything I've ever known. 

To have found the love of my life so late in my life and with someone I never thought or expected to find it with is a blessing. What attracted me first was the fact that he was a wonderful father to his daughter and step daughter. The girls share the same mother but she's not and has not been a part of their lives in more years than I can count. He's taking care of his business and without help and that's commendable and attractive to me. And they will get to have a mom in me if they want it. 

So today I celebrate my dad and my love with a heavy heart. To my dad, who was just a man, and only human. Who despite his many faults, I loved him any way. To my love, soon an ocean wont be between us and we can begin our journey together. 

~•~Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality. ~Emily Dickinson

Who I'm born to be...

My true reason for being born was so I could be a Mother. For there is no other thing on this Earth that could make you so crazy, happy, sad, mad, frustrated, worried, scared or love to the capacity you do when you are a Mother. And to wake up day after day ready to feel it again and again is the true blessing.

Sometimes I feel so alone...

Have you ever had a moment when you're in the Middle of a crowded room but you still feel alone? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death but my mind wonders to the One I Love and sometimes I feel as if I'm the only one. I feel alone and at a loss.


I guess for some it's different but when you become so connected and emotionally involved it becomes almost as if you're alone when they stop talking to you or barely give you a thought in their day. You feel the loss of your best friend in ways they don't seem to understand. Like it's unfathomable that you wouldn't talk to other people like you do with them. I sometimes wonder if he will understand that when you're friends and lovers they can be separate and also exclusively meshed together.


So many times I share something about my day and I barely get a response, when a year ago or before that, we'd be constantly on the phone texting or talking, since it's the only way we can stay connected. Now I'm lucky to get a hi back or even a response. The honeymoon seems to be over before we've had a chance to start...

Being surrounded by my kids helps me sometimes, but I still feel that aloneness, when I think of him which is often. Blah... I'm in a funk and need to find a distraction. I guess I'll be on IG all night. 0__O

What is your reason to be the Best you can be? I have 3... How many do you have?

These are not my favorite days. The last day the kids aren't with me. It sucks big donkey balls and that's no lie.

My Life - Part 1 Starting at the beginning....

My journey didn't begin a year ago when I started this Blog. It started over 20 years ago and has brought me here. Although I am 37(going on 38), the journey I speak of, is the one that lead me to this moment in my life. But to be honest I need to start at my earliest memories that lead me to the Present. So I will start with my earliest memories of childhood that helped shape who I've become and to what contributing factors they had on choosing my path.

I was born in September of 1973 in SoCal. I had an older sister and I want to assume my parents were happily married. I have vague recollections of my childhood except I remember I played t-ball when I was young. I remember Kindergarten and my teachers name was Mrs. Davis. I don't know when my dad left, I do know why, and I don't know exactly when he came back but it was around the time I was 5/6 yrs old. He stayed the longest this time bc my baby sister and I are 7 years apart and my parents divorced about 4 years later.

My early years with my parents are hard to recall because I don't remember too many great times or any times really. I remember them fighting when I had the chicken pox, I remember my dad and I arguing over the most asinine things. We had on two separate occasions, Japanese exchange students stay a summer with us and that was fun. I got a wire hanger stuck in my eye. Not the eyeball. But one minute it was stuck in my blanket, the next it was hanging out of my eye. I remember going to physical therapy sessions for my oldest sister bc she has CP on her left side. I split the back of my head on the way to one bc the one time my mom actually had to slam on her breaks, I fell back into the dashboard bc I was facing the backseat. Obviously not listening, not wearing my seatbelt and not sitting in the backseat like I'm sure I was supposed to. Didn't realize the seriousness of it til we got to the therapy place and the back of my head was bleeding. (that may explain a few things)

I remember our neighbors from the apartment we lived in before my sister was born. I remember playing in the yard and taking our laundry to the back where the machines were. Sleeping next to the wall heater some nights when I'd wake in the night. We moved to a house and I found new friends and had some lovely neighbors who became more than that. I found a sense of belonging that I hadn't felt before.

I was in the middle of my 7th grade year when my mom moved my sisters and I to my grandmothers place in the Monterey area. New school in the middle of February, different climate, different type of people and the belief it was temporary. Wasn't told my parents were getting divorced or that our dad wouldn't be seeing us that much (his choice) or that life as we knew it was changed forever.

Our family wasn't a very huggy, touchy feely or share emotions type of family. It was rare when it would happen and so rare I cant recall in my early years how many times I was held or told I was loved by an adult family memeber. Sad but true. ( try explaining this to someone who knew and was told often they are loved, they just don't get it)

I've got to honestly say being the middle child really sucked. My oldest sister, who is 4 years older than me, has CP like I mentioned earlier, and is not a typical older sister. Wasn't supportive and looked to much for approval that she wasn't really a good sister to me. My baby Sis is well, the Baby, so that in itself says it all. She was spoiled (yes I spoiled her also) she was given more freedoms than I ever had and I think was loved the most by both parents. I had to find a way to depend on me, look out for me and to figure out my place in a family that I felt I never belonged to. Feeling like a stranger in my own family. And to find a way to feel like I was loved, wanted and needed and that I belonged to someone somewhere....

So that is my beginning. The start of what has yet to come....

Ha!

Ha! I just realized my longest post ever was about yet another Social Networking site. Well be prepared to be bombarded with my life next. I hope it doesn't bore the Heck out of you! I guess we'll see. :)

Here goes....

Crazed addiction or way too social?

Ok, so now I have a new Social Network addiction. Exactly! Like I needed a new one right? Well this one is like Facebook and Twitter all rolled into one picture perfect package. (say that 5 times fast) My new Social Networking addiction is called Instagram(IG).

Instagram? you ask. Yes, it's an iPhone App that allows you to take photos and share them with perfect strangers or people you know. You can link it to Facebook and Twitter or a few other Blog type websites. It's a fun and easy way to share your interests, family, art, nature, culture or what ever wacky thing you feel like taking a photo of.  It will give you a glimpse into the lives of strangers or friends that want to share their photos. At times I feel like I'm being intrusive but if it was too personal, would they share it? Nope, probably not. You can make your IG profile private and allow whom you want to 'follow' you. Again I feel like the word follow is creepy but what else could it be called?  Followers or new found friends? It can feel like you're part of a family or community that can be thoughtful, informative, inquisitive and supportive.

Another reason I am so addicted to it is because I get to feel like I'm traveling to other Countries, Cities or States without ever having to leave my bed/couch/bathroom/car... Well you get the picture. To see Japan, a place I'd love to see someday, through the eyes of someone who lives there and what they enjoy about their Country is really amazing. I've 'seen' Australia, Thailand, New York, China, Italy, Texas, Brazil, San Francisco, Hawai'i, Canada, England, New England.... The list is endless and it's a bright and beautiful world we live in. And of course seeing the dark side of some Countries, Cities and States is part of it also. But I still marvel at the sights of place where a photo was taken or the food or people or culture. The world at my fingertips.

The people on IG are generally nice everyday people sharing their lives, culture, interests, Beliefs, humor, tragedy and personality. It's hard to describe but you kind of feel a kinship with some of the people there because of a shared experience or because you live near and see the same things they see or something new you've never noticed. But there are some who will over share or who become intrusive to the point of being rude or even stalkerish... And there will also be some that are just loopy for their pets and really? Who needs to see your cat sleeping every day? Or you're dog dressed in a tutu? I'm not saying they shouldn't take photos of what you like, I'm just saying I'm tired of seeing pets on the 'popular' page when the majority of the photos shown are of beautiful far off places, street scenery, Mother Nature in all her glory or everyday people.

The 'popular' page. The creme da la creme of the IG world. People strive to get on there as a validation I guess that their photos are better than someone elses? I don't know. Some get on it everyday because their 'followers' hope that they get recognized through a comment made or liking the photo. I don't know how you get on it and I don't think it's going to validate my photo of a snail that I took or a photo of my kids. It's not a popularity contest for some, for others it's their mission to get there. I've been a few times but was just surprised and humbled by the fact that a complete stranger liked my photo and took the time to look at it.

iPhonography... That is my brand of photography. I don't claim to be a professional but I do enjoy a good photo of a flower or my kids. I find it amazing that my phone can take such great photos and I can filter it and crop it to enhance any image. I don't know the first thing about photography but I do enjoy snapping pics of things that interest me or I find silly and funny. I'm not on IG for anything but fun. And a good chat with someone from another Country or State or City.

So, it's curbed my time on Twitter and I've been on Facebook but IG is running the show most days. I can't wait to see what fun and wonderful things await me each day. And yes sometimes all day or many hours... I need sleep and I forget to eat sometimes... I need help!!!


Say cheese!!! :)

Funny things my kids say and do pt2

This is another part of the conversation I just had with my daughter.

I was trying to take a picture of her eating my food, well because I seem to be taking pictures of everything lately, and she was trying to avoid being in the picture. She asked why I was taking a picture and I said I'm just documenting why I rarely get to eat my food without sharing. And my daughter says, well it started with your milk... 

Funny things my kids say and do...

Oh the things my kids say and do. I will say it's never a dull moment when they are on a roll. And I wouldn't have it any other way. They can always turn my frown upside down. :)

So tonight dinner was a whatever kind of night. Everyone kind of had what they wanted no big deal because it was either quesadillas, tater tots and Dino chicken nuggets(my sons personal choice every night if he could).

I happened to wait to cook mine and eat after they finish just in case they want more or something else. I added guacamole and salsa to mine and turned into a huge taco. Needless to say my oldest asked me for a bite and she took a huge bite then asked me to make her one. I ended up giving it to her but she was making a mess, as usual. When she was done, instead of getting up to clean up she wipes her hand on her sock. I tell her not to put her messy socks on the couch. So she took off the sock and turned it inside out and put it back on... Oh boy this kid. It amazes me how quick her mind works!

Kid Conversations

Haha! Ok so I was in my bedroom when I heard my 8 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy playing in their room. I can hear the sound of coins being dropped into a piggy bank and on the floor. So this is the conversation I overheard and I swear I couldn't stop laughing for about 5 minutes or so. I almost pee'd. No joke.

G: give me some cents
B: I don't have any cents
G: yes you do, here.
B: I don't want your cents
G: I already have cents
B: no, you don't have any cents I want.

This is funny to me because they just don't know how out of context I took that. Oh they bring me such joy.... Never a dull moment with them. Love my babies.

Where does the time go?

So... I think I lost a month. Where did the time go? I could have sworn it was just February. But now it's April and I feel like the month of March happened and I wasnt warned.

Ok let see if I can remember what happened in March... Now this is only the second day of April so you'd think I'd be able to remember right? Riiiight.... This will probably be a series of back tracking posts or I may just cram it all in one. We'll see...

March is the birth month of my first daughter. She turned 14 and I could swear she was just a little baby yesterday. I mean seriously how did that happen? She's grown into a beautiful, funny, smart, and interesting young woman. Ugh! Young woman... She's my Baby Girl and always will be. But I must deal with the fact that she's growing right before my eyes. Almost taller than me, a fact she likes to rub in...

I wish I had had some of her personality when I was her age. It's an awkward stage in her life and she's going through puberty, divorce and the years of self-doubt. She seems so self assured at times and so happy but I also see the little girl confused as to her place in this crazy world and where she fits in exactly. I hurt for her and wish she would open up to me. I always tell her my door is always open and that she can come to me and talk about anything she wants but she keeps quiet. Someday soon I hope she will. She starts High School next year and it's going to be a scary time for her and hope she will see she can come to me.

So that's not the only thing that happened but all I'm gonna say for now. Feeling a bit blah now because I miss my little big girl...



A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.  ~Author Unknown

Conversations w/ My Son

I was in the kitchen cooking some okai. It's a Japanese rice mush thing that I love to eat when I'm not feeling well. Was sick with the flu and finally wanted something to eat.

Anywho... I was at the stove and my son comes into the kitchen and he says, Hi Mommy.

I say, Hey My Boy, what's up?

He looks at me for a bit and then says, Nothing, but watch me.

I say, OK. He then starts to run around in circles and all crazy and I ask, What are you doing?

He doesn't stop but keeps running in circles and says, I'm chasing my butt. Can't you see me?

I laughed and said, You aren't a dog, so you don't have a tail.

He says, I know I'm not a dog I'm not chasing my tail. I'm chasing my but like a guinea pig.

OK. I said, Sure why not... I just love his imagination....

That was all in the space of 10 minutes but some of the funniest and most rewarding moments and the shortest and silliest moments.

A Conversation With My Kids.... Pt 1

I'm going to start a series of posts about my random conversations with my kids. I love when I can spend a few moments in a day and have a chat with any of them. And with three kids sometimes it's hard to have a one on one convo without someone interrupting at some point. I try to be able to have a moment with each of them but it depends on their moods and when they feel like talking that makes it's difficult sometimes. But I do what I can and as a single mom it's gonna have to be enough for now. I want them to look back and remember the times we spent talking and me listening to them. These are moments I cherish most when they aren't with me and I'm alone missing them.

Conversations With My Boy...
This little guy is always busy and when he not running around pretending to shoot someone he's a cuddlebug and will talk till the sun goes down. One day I was making dinner and he always likes to be around and if there is something he can help with I let him.

I was getting the apple sauce out for something and he asks me, 'Mommy, do you know the ingredients to make applesauce?'

I said to him, 'No, I don't. But I'd like to try to make it.'

He says,'Its easy.'

I was intrigued because I was wondering what was going on in his head at that point. And he said the word "ingredients". I said,'Really? It's easy?'

He says,'Yes. First you get the apples and you get the sauce, put it together in a pan. And then you have applesauce. See?'

I tried hard not to laugh but I had the biggest smile on my face. Wondering where he gets this stuff from... I said,'That sounds good.'

These are the moments I love and cherish the most. He's my heart and I just love that boy to death. :)