Let's take my oldest daughter first. She's a selfish creature who not only won't let me into her life and without WWIII happening I don't push my way in. I have tried all I could with her by getting her help, putting her on Meds (recommended by the Dr) giving her whatever she wanted (within reason) and still nothing... I'm literally to the point where I don't want to care anymore bc she is damaging the relationships I'm trying to have with my two younger children and she damaging any hope that once she leaves my house, I won't let her back in. And most of all, I'm allowing her to damage how I view my abilities to be a mother.
I know, I sound like a terrible mother and I know my child is disturbed and needs help. But how can you help someone who won't ask and will refuse to do as you say just bc it's not what she wants? Or if it's because I say she needs help, she won't accept it or be amenable to seeking it herself? I'm trying to focus on my other two while trying to give her what she wants and it's not working. So I'm trying to step back from her and from caring too much bc I'm at my wits end. Her father isn't helpful because he's singing the same woe is me song since our divorce. (Isn't that a good sign as to why I don't want to be married to him anymore?)
I feel that if I care a little less, my way of damage control, I feel the house will be more settled and will become less about her and more about everyone else.
The other person I'm talking about is my boyfriend. I love him like I've never known love in a grown up relationship however I came to realize I think of him and his feelings more than he does with me and mine. Now it may seem petty and maybe I'm looking for reasons to be nit picky but the state of my future and that of my children are important to me.
He cares about the kids but would gladly be with them and not with me. I think because I'm more energetic and like to be active is a problem for him. I sometimes have ADHD tendencies that flare up and I am a mile-a-minute kind of person. He also doesn't retain things I say to him unless it's in an alert or in email form where he can see it. When he gets into it with his daughter he will just forget we exist as a couple and will make decisions on his own without talking to me about it. Like he feels moving away will solve his problems and that he will "wait for me" until I can move to be with him. His daughter is older and will be off to college in a few years where as I have two younger ones and couldn't move away from them or with them bc of their father.
To me if you are having a relationship with someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with, shouldn't you be sharing the day to day and the important things with each other? He had a job interview but didn't tell me until it was about to happen. He accepted the job and told me way after the fact. I told him about a job I wanted to apply for, when my interview was and when they called me to offer it to me. It was affecting our relationship and the time we would be able to spend together but yet if it interfered with "our" time he wasn't going to be happy.
I don't know, maybe I'm seeing and looking for things to be annoyed with but to me caring about the other person more isn't making life easier.
That saying, 'Sharing is caring' only works if everyone wants to share. Well sometimes, Not sharing is caring. And I feel like I'm right about there...
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